Setting: In a coffee shop that’s falling from a plane.
SFX: Rushing Wind
Matt: This is weird.
Jenkins: What?
Matt: Well, my last blog post was about a show that started with a plane crash. And now we’re in a coffee shop falling out of a plane. Isn’t that ironic?
Jenkins: No.
(long pause)
Matt: It’s still weird.
(pause)
Matt: Is this a dream?
Jenkins: No.
Matt: Well, what is it then?
Jenkins: It’s a script.
Matt: Oh.
(pause)
Matt: My latte is cold.
Jenkins: Of course it’s cold. It was brewed at 30,000 feet. The boiling point is 50 degrees lower at that altitude.
Matt: Oh. That’s interesting.
Jenkins: No it isn’t.
(pause)
Matt: Are you in a bad mood or something?
Jenkins: I don’t want to be here. Why did you put me here?
Matt: What do you mean?
Jenkins: This is your script. You did this.
Matt: Oh yeah.
Jenkins: And the fact that you made me mention that is bland and self-parodic.
Matt: I don't think so. Look, I’m doing my bes-
Jenkins: (Interrupting) The narrative is completely predictable. We’re falling out of a plane. Gravity exists. Eventually we’re going to hit the ground. Eventually we’re going to die. I don’t have any reason to think you’ll alter the script to do anything other than the obvious. You’re already ripping off Charlie Kaufman. And you don’t even like him.
Matt: I just didn’t understand why he thought Nicholas Cage would be good in the lead role of Adaptation. You’ve seen Con-Air, right?
Jenkins: Yeah, he’s a prick.
Matt: Okay, I understand your issues with my script since you’re gonna die and all, but I just think that altering the established storyline at this point would be dishonest. Maybe even implausible. I’m going to need more input. I’ll wait until I get feedback from my blog readers. Isn’t it great how the web has become a more interactive exchange between media consumer and media provider?
Jenkins: Readers? Why are you using the plural? You don’t have blog readers, you have one. And she’s the instructor. And she gets paid to do this. Besides, this story has to end before she can even read it.
Matt: So ultimately, the ending is pretty much up to me.
Jenkins: Yeah.
(pause)
Matt: I feel sorry for the baristas.
Jenkins: What?
Matt: Well, my last blog post was about a show that started with a plane crash. And now we’re in a coffee shop falling out of a plane. Isn’t that ironic?
Jenkins: No.
(long pause)
Matt: It’s still weird.
(pause)
Matt: Is this a dream?
Jenkins: No.
Matt: Well, what is it then?
Jenkins: It’s a script.
Matt: Oh.
(pause)
Matt: My latte is cold.
Jenkins: Of course it’s cold. It was brewed at 30,000 feet. The boiling point is 50 degrees lower at that altitude.
Matt: Oh. That’s interesting.
Jenkins: No it isn’t.
(pause)
Matt: Are you in a bad mood or something?
Jenkins: I don’t want to be here. Why did you put me here?
Matt: What do you mean?
Jenkins: This is your script. You did this.
Matt: Oh yeah.
Jenkins: And the fact that you made me mention that is bland and self-parodic.
Matt: I don't think so. Look, I’m doing my bes-
Jenkins: (Interrupting) The narrative is completely predictable. We’re falling out of a plane. Gravity exists. Eventually we’re going to hit the ground. Eventually we’re going to die. I don’t have any reason to think you’ll alter the script to do anything other than the obvious. You’re already ripping off Charlie Kaufman. And you don’t even like him.
Matt: I just didn’t understand why he thought Nicholas Cage would be good in the lead role of Adaptation. You’ve seen Con-Air, right?
Jenkins: Yeah, he’s a prick.
Matt: Okay, I understand your issues with my script since you’re gonna die and all, but I just think that altering the established storyline at this point would be dishonest. Maybe even implausible. I’m going to need more input. I’ll wait until I get feedback from my blog readers. Isn’t it great how the web has become a more interactive exchange between media consumer and media provider?
Jenkins: Readers? Why are you using the plural? You don’t have blog readers, you have one. And she’s the instructor. And she gets paid to do this. Besides, this story has to end before she can even read it.
Matt: So ultimately, the ending is pretty much up to me.
Jenkins: Yeah.
(pause)
Matt: I feel sorry for the baristas.
SFX: Bird Squawk
Matt: Is that a bird?
Jenkins: Yes.
Jenkins: Yes.
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